"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
