I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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