just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
