You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You are the jesus of drinking
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
