I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
