He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
