Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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