her facebook's as public as her vagina
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
