Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is it because I queefed?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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