Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
