Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
