get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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