Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
