What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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