A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize