My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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