I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
