i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it hurts more in the daytime
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
