so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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