we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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