So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
