What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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