I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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