So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize