When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
