if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
