new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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