Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
