What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
