somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
