it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize