I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize