mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
