My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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