O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
