All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
