Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
