It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I can text with my tongue
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
