please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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