Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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