You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
