Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I deserve this hangover.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
