im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize