Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
