So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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