Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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