The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
