Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize