the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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