Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
