I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
