I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
