It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
