I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
