It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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