Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
