Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
