Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
