with your own penis?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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