You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
