2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
