i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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