he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
