THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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