i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Found your dick twin last night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
