In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
