i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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