I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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