So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
