I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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