I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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