Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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