you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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