Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
