He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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