my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He is an equal opportunity slut.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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