I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
