Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
