Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
